Are you a procrastinator? I used to be, and sometimes I can feel the procrastination beginning to take over once again. Now, though, I understand that what I have always blamed on procrastination might be something called decision fatigue.

How many decisions do you make in a day? It’s estimated that the average adult person makes 35,000 decisions a day. Really? That seems an enormous number to me but most of those decisions we don’t really “think” about , even though we are thinking about them. Which shoes are you wearing today? What are you having for/where are you going for lunch? Coffee with cream or black? An endless stream of questions that our brain handles effortlessly. Most of the time.

Now 35,000 is an average. And I will bet you are above average. Busier than the average person and wearing more hats than the average person. Your number is probably much higher than 35,000 and that brings us to decision fatigue. Focus is gone, you know you have things you need to get moving on, but NOT RIGHT NOW. And no matter how much you want to, you just can’t fathom what the right decision might be. That is where I am at this moment. My brain is refusing to focus on any one thing so here I am, sharing my experience with you, knowing that you have been through the same thing probably just as often a I.

Getting proper sleep is important, as is proper nutrition. Exercise, as in get up and go take a walk, is also crucial to overcoming decision fatigue. Give yourself time to relax and re-energize before you begin. That is the plan for today. And soon, the decision fatigue will pass, and I will just begin again. And that is the secret to overcoming procrastination – just begin. Before you know it you are engrossed in your project and wondering where the time went. But for right now, decision fatigue is real and it’s time to just chill.

ESoup 4 Life

Combining proven tools from leadership, faith, and relationships into an Eclectic Soup of simple, optimal, useful principles that add value to every day.

Eclectic Soup  Episode 2

I can’t breathe.  Those were the words of George Floyd heard around the world.  The words that sparked a movement, a powerful upswell from those who have been holding their breath for way too long.

As a person who has only experienced white privilege, there is no imagining what everyday life is for anyone who is different.  Whether that difference is of skin color, or sexual orientation, or ethnicity.

I stood for those 8 minutes and 46 seconds during the memorial service for George Floyd.  An agonizingly long time to think about not being able to move or breathe. It was hard enough just to stand still for that amount of time and the tears flowed freely.  I can sympathize, as can many of you, and many of you can empathize because you have been there – the object of someone else’s prejudice.

And it had happened before.  Too many times to enumerate but for me, I especially remembered the gentleman from Baltimore, because of those very same words “I can’t breathe.”  We thought then that things would change and maybe they did, in Baltimore.  But what about where you live, or where I live?

Just in the last few weeks we have heard about Ahmed Arbery, Brionna Taylor, and now George Floyd.   I am old enough to remember the Watts riots in LA and the March on Washington led by Dr. Martin Luther King.  The horror of the assassinations of JFK, Dr. King, and RFK.  And then the peaceful protests that followed and suddenly, the Kent State riots.

And all this makes me wonder – why does someone have to die in order for us to change?  Why did Jesus have to die in order for us to acknowledge our need of God?  Well, God tells us.  We, in our natural nature, our unable to love one another as He has loved us.  We cannot seem to love unconditionally except for those who are just like us.  And even then, it is rarely unconditional.  Many times it is performance based – if you are good enough, or brave enough, or pretty enough – then I can love you.

When will we learn the lesson of history?  The death of Jesus created a movement that is still very much alive and well today.  Some of the message has gotten lost in the arguments about doctrine, but the central message is still the same.  You are worthy, you are loved, Jesus will allow you to get right with God and with one another.  Many people died as martyrs to keep that message alive.

When we invaded North America to begin colonization of what would eventually become the United States of America, we went to war against the native population.  Instead of coming in to share a space, we determined we needed to conquer it and make it our own.  So we created lands for the native population, reservations they could call their own.  And native populations are still being decimated in other countries around the world and we seem unable and powerless to stop the genocide.

When some of our population decided that slavery was wrong, a civil war ensued.  The North against the South they called it.  I happen to live near the Mason-Dixon line and even though there were no battles fought locally, the citizens here were divided and sympathizers from both sides split their churches based on those beliefs.  The locals here continued to live in relative harmony despite their differences.

How many people had to die for us to end slavery?  And here we are, 155 years later, with some still holding on to that dismal past.  I was born and raised in the South and I love the southern charm, the hospitality, the comfort foods that come from a great southern cook. Don’t you just love to hear a southern accent?  Bless your heart.  And we all know what that really means! Yet I know the south’s history and refuse to repeat it.

In the 1960’s we experienced desegregation, school bussings, job quotas, college quotas, and eventually Equal Employment Opportunities.  These programs were a patch, and they did make some difference but ultimately we have to call them a failure because look where we find ourselves right now.

And that’s the rub.  It seems as though we have slipped backwards.  We have turned a blind eye in the very recent past, that laissez-faire attitude where we don’t interfere in anyone else’s business.  But this business impacts all of us.  It is about human kindness – our relationship with others. What type of culture do we want for our future? And it affects each and every one.

The Vietnam War ended in great part due to peaceful protests. And when it ended, we vilified our returning soldiers.  They were called names, spat upon, ostracized from society.  Almost as though they were untouchables.  So they know discrimination.  And then PTSD starts making the news. Tragic stories of their lives post-war.  Yes, I remember some of those horrific crimes against villages during that war, a conflict that was unwinnable.  It’s no wonder that returning soldiers rarely discuss their time spent in country.  The same is true of WWII veterans.  You never hear them talking about the events of the war, only the comraderie.  But they came home as heroes, our Vietnam Vets did not. In more recent times, we have been honoring all our veterans and making a point to thank them, in large part to make up for the shame we thrust upon them at the end of the Vietnam War.

As we move forward once again, I pray that this time we have real lasting change.  But let’s not vilify those who have been given the task and privilege of protecting all citizens.  We cannot lump them all in the same pot. Just because some cops operate from a place of prejudice does not mean that all of them do.  We need a culture that exposes the worst in us so we can expel the evil from among us.  Because it is evil disguised.

I have great hope with some of the kindness we have witnessed via our TV screens in this past week.  Police officers kneeling with the protesters, neighborhood residents standing down the crowd so no looting or destruction occurred, voices being heard – not patronized – heard.  Words of healing from any who hold public office. Vows to change our system.  And I hope the highest offices in our land are paying attention.  And as much as policy needs to change, the greater change needs to come from the heart.

As a white person, I was brought up to see authority figures, such as police officers, as a source of help.  Yes, we were taught to respect them and to see them as the people to run to when we were afraid or when in danger.  I have watched mothers on TV, mothers of children of color, say that they have raised their child to make sure they are obedient, to do exactly what the officer says if they get stopped or questioned.  And it shows that those officers were to be respected, but also to be feared.  In my world, you only had to fear the police if you were doing something seriously wrong. For others it seems that police officers are to be always feared because they have your life in their hands.

If we, as a nation, start treating one another with respect and love, courageously speaking out against bias and prejudice in all its forms, we will change our culture.  We can do it peacefully and lovingly. We can create a haven that is welcoming to all.  And we start in the home, at a grass roots level.  If we hear racist comments, prejudicial statements – speak out.  Speak out in love, not in arrogance. Because I know, for each one of us, no matter how unbiased you believe you are, if you will really search your heart, you will find the darkness. And the only thing that conquers darkness is light. 

I don’t know where that darkness comes from. Old attitudes we have heard at some point in time.  Something we have witnessed. Thoughts that we have kept and not discarded. Something we read in a book long forgotten.  Do you know?  Have you seen, in your mind’s eye, the darkness that resides within you?  We fight it, we overcome it, we do not allow it to escape from the prison of our mind.  And we are able to move through this life in peace and grace if we live in the light.

We need to keep on learning.  I have a lot to learn about racism, and by that I mean my own attitudes that can feed racism unintentionally.  Let me use Confederate monuments as an example.  To me, they were only monuments to people who were considered leaders during their time.  But then this week, I learned the story behind the General Lee monument in Richmond, VA.  150,000 people attended the unveiling of that monument, 25 years after the end of the Civil War.  And all of them were carrying Confederate flags and wanting the south to rise again. A return to the policies that had led to the Civil War.  So when people of color experience those monuments, they see those who wanted to enslave them being glorified.  To my white mind, it would be as if someone wanted to erect an enormous monument to Hitler.  The thought makes me shudder!  And I had never framed it like that until this week when the Governor of Virginia decided to remove that monument from a major intersection in Richmond.  We cannot erase history, but we also don’t need to glorify the wrong side of history.

We are in for a lengthy national dialogue.  And at times it will be awkward, and it will be painful.  It will take patience and love to work through our misunderstandings and the hot button words that each side might have that the other side knows nothing about, or has not understood. Change is gonna come, and it has to come within the hearts and minds of each of us.  George Floyd can breathe now.  We need to breathe, and breathe deeply, and dive into these difficult conversations that will lead to necessary policy change and culture change so that no one has to fear for their life, liberty or pursuit of happiness due to the color of their skin.

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” William James

ESoup 4 Life

Combining proven tools from leadership, faith, and relationships into an eclectic soup of simple, optimal, useful, principles that add value to every day.

Eclectic Soup

Episode 1:  Myra’s Story

Today you will meet Myra and discover how little it takes to truly have an impact on someone else’s life.

First, let me tell you about Myra.  And then in a few minutes you will understand how little it takes for you to have a major impact on someone else’s life. 

She was an enigma. When I first met her, she was homeless, on the streets with her boyfriend Jack, living heaven only knows where.  It changed from night to night – under the bridge trestle until they got kicked out of there, in the park until the cops ran them off, on an empty bench downtown if it wasn’t raining.  We ran the local tourism office and always had free coffee and cold water available to the public.  We also had seating inside so Myra, and sometimes Myra and Jack, would come into the office for coffee – black with lots of sugar.  If it was hot outside, they would hang out and once they had cooled off, they might have a couple of cups.  And when it was frigid outside, we provided a respite from the cold.  Having a public bathroom was a plus for them, too! 

That winter we had a polar vortex. Temperatures were going to plummet to 15 below zero for 5 nights in a row.  Because we had other homeless like Myra who would visit our office, we realized that there was a real danger to their lives with this vortex.  So we went to our board of directors and asked if we could open our office as a warming shelter for the homeless.  As timing would have it, the annual homeless count coincided with the first night of the polar vortex and our office had been charged with taking the annual census of the homeless that weekend.  The board of directors voted unanimously to allow this, the health department signed off on our plan, and we were allowed to house up to 15 in our offices.  Living in a small rural community, the public got behind our efforts and before long we had a list of volunteers to man the shelter around the clock for those 5 days and others promising food to feed those who would be housed with us. And the icing on that cake – the Office of Emergency Services provided us with cots, blankets, and pillows from their disaster planning supplies.

So for five days and nights, our small homeless population had a place to stay – a place out of danger of the cold, a place where they would be fed, and a place of connection with people within the community. We got to know Myra really well during this time. She had two children who were currently with her mother; she had left an abusive relationship and left the kids with her mom while she was trying to sort out her life. Myra was intelligent, outgoing, loving, and always volunteering to help.  She was well-spoken and well groomed in spite of her homelessness. We all just fell in love with her and she became a valuable volunteer in our office.

One sunny morning, early that spring, I found Myra sitting on the front stoop of our building.  She was looking rather forlorn and very much lost in her thoughts.  I took that opportunity to engage Myra in conversation and admit to her that she was an enigma to me, and also to tell her what an amazing young woman she was even if she didn’t see it for herself.  And then I gently suggested it might be time to reconcile with her mother and put her family back together again.

But before we get to the end of the story, let me explain why all of this was able to happen.  And believe it or not, it starts with the board of directors responsible for our organization.  As their president, I had never been prouder than that moment when it was a unanimous decision to open our offices – a local tourism welcome center – as a warming shelter.  No hesitation.  Because this particular board of directors is active and engaged, not only with our organization but with our community. 

Ten years earlier, I had been part of the Executive Committee of another organization. That organization had a large board of directors and a small Executive Committee which basically ran the organization.  The problem was, we weren’t really getting much accomplished.  Lots of time talking, lots of time beating that dead horse (full disclosure, no animals were actually harmed in the process) – but few accomplishments to be celebrated.

Do you belong to a non-profit organization? Do you ever wonder how to get your board engaged in the activities of the group?  That is a frustration I would hear over and over again in group meetings with other non-profit executive directors.  How do we get our board members involved?

And the other frustration is similar – why are we even having a meeting?  Do you really want me to attend another meeting where everything sounds like “wha , wha , wha, wha”.

There seems to be a crisis in our non-profit world.  A large number of non-profit organizations with only a small number actually being wildly successful in their purpose. Why is that? Where do we go wrong? How do we begin with such great intentions and then get stuck in neutral? There are over 10,000 non-profit organizations registered just in my home state of WV.

Starting, organizing, staffing and maintaining a non-profit organization is not easy but it is certainly doable – thousands have done so.  Being successful is another story. By combining proven tools from leadership, faith and relationships into an eclectic soup of simple, optimal, useful principles we can have success not only in the non-profit arena but also in all areas of our lives.

Please register for my newsletter to learn some of the tips and tricks in developing an effective organization. And while my experience has been with non-profit organizations, the same ideas will work in almost any type of business to propel forward momentum for your group and create real change for real people.

Which brings us back to Myra.  After that encounter, I didn’t see Myra for several months.  Come to find out, she had reconciled with her mother and gained custody once again of her children.  She and Jack now have their own place, with their family intact, and are doing well.  I can only hope and pray that they continue on a positive trajectory and it only took a few people reaching out, and helping them up, to make a real difference in their world. 

“A single act of kindness throws our roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” Amelia Earhart

ESoup 4 Life

Combining proven tools from leadership, faith, and relationships into an Eclectic Soup of simple, optimal, useful, principles that add value to every day.

I hate writing bios. That’s the first thing you need to know about me. And the second thing you need to know is that I have had a personal mission statement for at least 25 years.

That mission statement is sort of like a buoy in the water that marks safe passage. When confronted with an opportunity, or a dilemma, you can hold it up to the mission statement to see if it fits your purpose.

My mission statement is three-fold and covers what is most important in my life. They were developed prayerfully and thoughtfully based on my passions in life.

• To live a life that honors God. That is #1.
• To be the type of wife and companion that my husband needs. That is #2.
• To help others reach their highest potential both personally and spiritually. That is #3.

And that brings us to ESoup – an eclectic mix of simple, optimal, useful principles for every day life.

There are keys to living a life that honors God. Some simple things really, but ones we don’t take the time to incorporate into our day. I’ll share one with you right now – how often do you think about what you are thinking about? Your thoughts are critical to your success on all levels. We will talk about bringing those thought captive. Learning how to do that took me from being a shy, reticent young woman to a leader in my field.

And I had to learn how to be in a long-term relationship and become the type of wife and companion that my husband needs. Ours is truly a love story. We have been together, as of this writing, for 45 years. We were young parents and I think the first in our circle of friends to have children. Relationships of any kind can be difficult and marriage especially requires the ability to learn to love someone “warts and all”.

Which brings us to now – helping others reach their highest potential both personally and spiritually. This is all about you and how you can take some of things that have helped me to help yourself. In sharing this journey, and these principles for life, my goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters. And along the way, experience some smooth sailing in your own life!

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker